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Below are the 16 most recent journal entries recorded in jvantheterrible's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011
10:42 pm
Why do people have to S.U.C.K.?
Most of my friends here on LJ know me from my time writing XF Fanfic. I haven't written anything Fanfic-related in about 3 years.  It's been less time since I posted anything here, but after Mik died, I really lost my heart for Fanfic...no more awesome MikFic forthcoming puts a big dent in things (at least MY things). 

I've been through a lot these last several years, as I'm sure all of YOU have gone through the wringers; home-ownership, signing said home over to my cousin and her boyfriend, buying my own home, losing a job, going back to school, getting a new job because I was in school...ups and downs and ups and downs. I know, it's life, it's what we all have to deal with. When life hands you lemons you make the fucking lemonade, and when a door closes a window opens, and all that happy horseshit. 

All of that is well and good. It's easy enough to hold your head high and paste a smile on, and wait until the pain subsides and things go back to normal. And if you're REALLY lucky? A few good things happen along the way. Or more than a few, along with the bad, enough to make it seem like you really do want to wake up in the morning. It's all even MORE special when you're...ahem...bi-polar. <crickets chirping>

As of late I've gotten really adept at wanting to wake up in the morning. I met my girlfriend of the past 15 months at the place where I work, and it's ok for me to say it here because no one else I work with, aside from her, is fucking intelligent enough to communicate like this. Yay us! I met her because I had my X-Files mousepad hanging on my cubicle wall, and my Mulder/Scully/Alien action figures on my desk, and she peeked over my wall on my 3rd day there and said, "You like the X-Files? Me too...check this out," and she held up her watch. The Fossil X-Files watch w/the metal band, that came in the tube, in the oblong box. Just like mine, which I also held up and showed her, because I wear mine every day too. We've been pretty much inseparable ever since. It's just another way that the X-Files has enhanced my life in so many ways...both with the people I've met online, like amokeh and Mik and Jay and goddessmichele and everyone else I've come into contact with because of our creative natures and passions - both for this show AND for all the other things we all have in common that have brought us all together.

I've spent years amassing quite the collection of XF memorabilia. I have a Cryogenic Chair prop from Season 8, all the Sideshow Collectible dolls (though I sold Black Oil Krycek last fall to pay for Hawaii for Christmas w/my girl), watches, action figures, golf tees, promo kits, tee-shirts, hats, statues, etc., etc., etc. (Also sold my Lazarus Bowl for Hawaii...SOOO worth it - snorkeled every damn day). I take my passion for the show, and for its characters and the actors, very seriously. I have XFILES2 for my license plates...have for the past 12 years. I own every movie David Duchovny and Mitch Pileggi have ever done (no, not together, dammit...lmao - even the bad ones <snicker>. 

I am half-owner of the "Skinner Sanctum" website online; my pseudonym Jvantheterrible comes up #1 on the first 5 pages of Google or any other search engine on the web. I am PROUD of my passion. Have been for years and years now. It's a part of who I am. I've always been proud of my accomplishments and my contributions to the XF community. Hell, to life in GENERAL!!! 

Today, I was ridiculed for it...and by someone who has no fucking idea what it meant to me, which makes it even worse - or should I view it as not so bad? 

I live in Tucson, Arizona. We have our issues here...among the higher priorities illegal aliens (SB1070 anyone?), bad job market, bad housing market, bad state tax system, and so on and so forth. Shit, just last month our Congresswoman was shot in the head point blank at a community meeting 2 miles from my house - I was too tired to go or I would've been there, along w/my Nana, who also didn't end up going. Thank God, because 6 people died and 14 others were wounded. I'm sure you've heard of this story, being that you're all readers and intelligent and such.

Last week, there was a rumor that popped up on the web...David Duchovny, Minnie Driver, Vera Farmiga, Keri Russell and Justin Kirk were all in town shooting an indie film called GOATS, written by a Tucson native who used to work with Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana (Brokeback Mountain ring any bells?), and the author (Mark Poirier) persuaded the film company (Red Crown Productions - "The Kids Are All Right" anyone??) to film here in Tucson, his hometown, in ADDITION to New Mexico, instead of ONLY New Mexico. 

Last Thursday, I informed a member of the Executive team where I work that these people were in town. He got visibly excited, and said he'd had no idea, and would love to have one or more of these celebrities give voice to our non-profit company. He told me he was on it, and told me that because of my always going above and beyond, he would keep me informed if he found out any information regarding the "rumors". 

I actually BELIEVED that shit. 

In the meantime, I combed the web for any and all verifications of the rumors; it turns out that yes, David Duchovny was indeed in town, here, in freaking TUCSON, along with all the other actors. I set my sights on the web and didn't let it go. Unfortunately, the local newspaper's website was the only one that reported the "news", and even then it was taken off the front page a day later. There were no more updates, and I spent all fucking weekend exhaustedly panting over the 'Net, looking for where I might go and find David/Mulder/Hank....my Sideshow Exclusive w/FBI Jacket in my truck at all times, along w/my camera and a Sharpie. AND my $500 X-Files iPod. AND my XFILES2 license plates. 

Every single Twitter or Facebook post was a day late. Last Friday, my other half and I spent our lunch break, no shit, TROMPING through the desert (up a cliff, rocks sliding as we made our way up and down the hill, through a wash and avoiding pricklies at every turn...turns out we were only ONE STREET AWAY...but we didn't know it then). Came back to work sweaty, adrenalin drifting, mildly disappointed but pretty sure we could find him in the next 4 days. We did manage to get photos of two trailers and a rental truck in the parking lot of a local iconic church - OMG we were sooooo fucking close!!!

The holiday weekend passed; at 2:00 PM Monday afternoon, a location was finally posted where shooting was allegedly taking place. It was a Country Club where there was a Guard House, and a multi-million dollar neighborhood behind those gates. Unfortunately, I was unable to go and act on that tip; family friends in town, family dinner, yadda yadda yadda. Tuesday afternoon, I utilized half a vacation day and drove to the Country Club. I sweet-talked the guard and he let me past...I showed him my Mulder doll, my watch, my license plates and my iPod and he asked me if I knew where I was going. HELL YES, I told him with a giant smile! (Wherever Goats is, I was THERE!!!!) He waved me in and I spent the next hour and a half cruising down the streets of the Tucson Country Club, memorizing every single multi-million dollar home, looking for any sign of a filming crew. There was...after 90 minutes and 1/4 tank of gas...nothing. 

I caught back up with the Security Guard and he admitted to me that filming had completed the previous day. I shook his hand and thanked him for letting me "in", and proceeded to drive around the rest of the city looking for some sign of a film crew and its stars. No luck.

So I came into work this morning, ready to make up for my half-day of freedom; as expected, my desk was buried under a multitude of documents and things needing my immediate attention. Over the course of this morning, no less than half of my co-workers inquired about my previous days' adventure; did I get in to the Country Club? Did I find David? Where was my autograph? Where was my photo?!!!

My department was asked to have lunch w/the CEO today...so we did. It was 2 hours of being subjected to the history of my company, and videos of disabled children, and because I am an emotional bitch, I cried. I was the ONLY ONE in my department, comprised of artists who supposedly work for the betterment of our patients and such...looking for cures so children don't have to walk in braces or be wheeled around until they die at 12 or 14...I WAS THE ONLY FUCKING ONE WHO CRIED. 

So...yay me? Or do I suck, and deserve the eye-rolling and snickers of my co-workers? A bunch of people who've worked there for 8+ years longer than myself and could give a fuck LESS about those same kids we're supposedly allegedly helping??!!!  REALLY? FUCKING REALLY???????

And so now, here comes the clincher. Ready, fellow XF fans? Here we go. On my emotional way out of the CEO lunch meeting, I am stopped by the Executive who claims to want to "help me out". He calls me into his office, and points out the wall of framed photos I've created for him, and smiles at me. He tells me to sit down, and then proceeds to ask me if I got his email from last week, where he shared one of the filming locations with me via company email, where it was of course too late for me to follow up. I smile and tell him, honestly, nope, sorry, missed it but thank you SOOO much for your assistance! I can't tell you how much it means to me that you tried to help me, XXX.

He then proceeds to tell me, "but wait...I have the address where they are filming. It's a friend of my wife's...it's XXXX...they've been there all weekend, and I wasn't supposed to tell you but....and you can't tell ANYONE."

Really, XXX???? I can't tell ANYONE, now that shooting is wrapped and you dangled me on a fucking string all fucking weekend, and you sit here in your glass-encased OFFICE, while I sit in a fucking CUBICLE every goddamn day, 1000x more productive and creative and HUMAN than you, and you tell me...NOW...where I can go pick up David Duchvony's trash? 

Thanks, pal. Thanks a whole fucking million. 

You. Are. A. MOTHER. FUCKING. ASSHOLE. The fucking BANDWIDTH of which cannot EVEN be measured in a single POST. 

And THEN. JUST to make it even MORE special. He fucking deigns to call me up an hour later. 

"Did you find the address?"

"Yes, XXXX."

"Did you GO there?" (No, but my other HALF did, just after she got off work, and she found all the torn tape and paper scraps and cigarette butts and empty water bottles and campfire debris and tire tracks and YES, they REALLY WERE THERE.)

"No, XXXX...they're gone." (Pause, silence, his COCK getting hard because he KNOWS I'm down a notch or 2 now...for Chrissakes...I've been in the company less than a QUARTER of the time of the rest of my department (AND his), but the half-blind and mostly-deaf CEO KNEW me at the luncheon...)

"I know...but if I find anything else out, I swear I'll tell you."

"Uh huh...have a nice evening, XXXX."

Aaaaannnnddd...scene.

WHY DO WE PUT UP WITH THIS FUCKING SHIT???? (I know...because we need to pay our bills...but I digress...)

I don't know what else to say, save for I am so fucking disillusioned at this point by so many things that I cannot possibly make any sort of impassioned plea on behalf of my company.

My company, where the Head of PR gets away with telling a family showing up for a photo shoot that their child is "Worthless without his leg braces", since they forgot them at home. 

My company, where the Head of PR has to be replaced at Telethon time and at significant expense, by some stranger because the host of said PR Department is despised by the host of the past 50 years (not to mention reviled by every other employee to boot).

I want a new job. Seriously. I want a new job where I can just be myself, and not have to answer to any of these fucked-up individuals, and where I can still do my art and be myself and not have to deal with any of the fucked-up shit that this Non-Profit craps on me. 

I want a job I can do so that I don't have to look the fucker who lied to me in the face, smiling, and pretended that it didn't matter. 

I know. It doesn't exist. But it doesn't stop me from wishing that it did...

I wish...I wish...I wish.








































Wednesday, March 10th, 2010
5:46 pm
Hump day indeed...
I feel more alone than usual today. I suppose I should know better, because of the daily exhaustion and nightly insomnia and the like. But I always thought that truly being in love meant that I wouldn't have to feel so goddamn alone anymore. I thought it meant that I'd get compliments and cards and letters and hugs...and just pride in general at being my other half - because it's how I feel.  

And then there's my guilt over feeling this loneliness, because I know how hard it is to just keep all the pieces together every day...every night...every week....every month. I feel a little like my pieces are coming apart at the seams, because I feel left out. I feel not needed. I feel not wanted. I feel like I'm just a dirty little secret that can't be found out, like a mistress or something.

I know that I shouldn't feel this way, and I know, for the millionth time that I am supposed to be the strong one. But I don't feel like the strong one. I feel like the hurt one. I feel like the lonely one. Even sitting there across the table, I feel alone. I feel frustrated because I wanted a couple of days this weekend...not just one night. I feel sad because I'm not supposed to bring my dog - he is my kid. He is non-negotiable. I've been asked to make these choices before...and I won't do it again. 

I won't because I can't. It's all my fault, because I'm the one w/all the feelings, and the one that's supposed to be feeling better and able to deal with everything. But I don't feel better. I feel a little like I'm drowning, and I know that it's my own brain and heart making me feel that way. No one else's fault but my own. 

I wish it were easier to feel like everything is alright - when there's no compliments and no texts and no going out of the way for days on end, it makes it difficult to be the strong one. 

Still in love, though. 

So there's that. 

Current Mood: discontent
Tuesday, January 19th, 2010
11:46 pm
'Tis a terrible and wonderful thing, 
to meet a new friend...
Especially when that being is one that
you have obviously been separated from at
some point (or more) in your past(s)...
One who knows all about you at the same time
knowing nothing...
and vice versa.
One who all of a sudden understands
the blackness and the brightness,
the darkness and the lightness,
the empty and the full,
the matter and the null.

'Tis not fair at all, should one be more
in tune to the sensual feelings of one,
the rest meaning none,
yet the left is - left - yearning,
with none other able to 
pick up the feelings and 
ultimately unable to feel and/or
comprehend the meanderings
of a single, solitary soul.

And so there is nothing more nor less
than the happiness
that can be afforded from the duress
of one...whilst the other enjoys his
and/or her freedom from the stress(es)
of daily life. 

And so I breathe...and I release. 
And I enjoy my respite from start to finish,
early or late.
I know that my yearnings are not merely
temporary nor complete,
and they will
not ever come to frutition,
be they strong nor meek.

'Tis more important to me, 
heart and soul-deep,
that I have a friend close to my side
stead of some lover in-or-outside me.

This Live Journal remains
my only secret outlet in which to leak
the feelings from my veins,
those of my heart, mind and soul...
 
Monday, June 25th, 2007
9:08 pm
And Stuff...
Mik:

I have been kissing my Rosary and saying prayers for you to be well EVERY DAY. I got my Rosary 2 years ago when my friend Gabriel died; it was very sad, him only being 24 and dying on his birthday. He was addicted to meth...and gay...and the cutest gay boy I'd seen in quite awhile. He was Hispanic and his mother - with whom I also work - is STILL in denial about his life choices (those Mexicans are REALLY Catholic, dontchya know...). It was also the first time I'd ever actually watched anyone - let ALONE a friend - be lowered into the ground...along with my abortion from ten years ago, I can't think of anything else that could scar me more. Tragic though all these circumstances are, I kiss that damn Rosary every day now...it was blessed by the REAL Pope before he died and I hang onto that, and use it to bless those that mean the most to me. I am not a church-goer, and I am not overly religious...but I AM a spiritual being with my own relationship with "Him" and/or "Her" and I speak to That every day.

I haven't posted on my journal in a long time because RL has gotten in my way, just as it has managed to, once again, delay my writing. All that really matters to me, Mik, is that you get well. I pray for you EVERY DAY and hope that you get better - or at the very least FEEL better - and I smile after I kiss my rosary and set it back down each morning because I know that I've done as much as I can to try to heal you, just as your stories have done for me for so many years.

I thank you for remembering me in your comments, and I think of you each and every day, wishing and hoping and praying for you to get well and STAY that way, even if I can't find the time to post as often as I'd like. I love you so much, even though I've never met you, for writing such brilliant words that have managed to see me through the most difficult times of my own life...and all I can do is pray and wish for you to get - and stay - well.

If I ever DO get the chance to meet you in RL, all I want to do is just grab ahold of you and hug you close, sobbing into your shoulder, and thank you immensely for all that you've given me...faceless and practically nameless after all these years...and hope that you're well for good when I am able to do so.

I love you, Mik. I continue to wish and pray you well...and now for the rest of the story.

As for all the rest of you that might be reading (especially BrerBear)...I took a long break from "Navy", and yes, once we hooked back up it was nice to see him...though we've now spent the last four days together and I am REALLY tired of him yet again. 

I wish that I could find the feelings (read LUST) inside of me to make him stay, but I cannot seem to be able to formulate any kind of lasting ANYTHING to share with him. He's perfect for me and we do, in fact, share the same fucking birthday...but I digress (and after that, do I really NEED to digress???)

I haven't had any kind of relationship at all in the past ten years that required my utmost attention. This foray into "dating" is really no different; I have no lasting feelings for him, or else I'm SURE that I would miss him after a day or two, wouldn't I???  I require someone VERY special; accepts me for the homo-erotic writer that I am...accepts me for my bi-polar disorder (which he shares but only takes his meds BECAUSE of me, which we all know is BAD)...doesn't act like a needy fifth grader aside from all the OTHER things...oh wait, Navy does...DAMN!

I am lost...love my job, hate my RL because of this guy but at the same time LOVE it because I'm a homeowner now!!! What to do...what to do...

I love you guys...thanks for being online. Paris Hilton is the biggest CUNT of all time, but if she could just join Bush's campaign, we'd have the perfect fucking platform to destroy EVERYTHING and allow anarchy to ensue - at least until Henry Rollins or some other intellect stepped up to the plate and FIXED all the FUCKED UP SHIT that is wrong with this world today. 

Love you guys, peace out...

Jvantheterrible





Current Mood: drained
Monday, June 4th, 2007
9:30 pm
My Personality...

<table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td bgcolor="#DDDDDD" align=center><font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'><b>Your Personality is Very Rare (INFP)</b></font></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor="#EEEEEE"><center><img src="http://images.blogthings.com/howrareisyourpersonalityquiz/personality.jpg" height="100" width="100"></center><font color="#000000">
Your personality type is dreamy, romantic, elegant, and expressive.

Only about 5% of all people have your personality, including 6% of all women and 4% of all men
You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.</font></td></tr></table><div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/howrareisyourpersonalityquiz/">How Rare Is Your Personality?</a></div>

Goddammit, see I did it WRONG! I've had too many beers and just can't figure this shite out. ANYWAY...I DID manage to post Chapter 7 of "A Home On The Range", and though I was anticipating it would be my last...well, let's just say 8 must be a good number for the Lotto this week...Goddamn MUSE. ANYWHO...been saying prayers for Mik DAILY, and sorry I've been off LJ so much lately. RL is just SUCH a bitch right now. Broke up w/my pseudo-boyfriend last week - just wasn't feeling ANY stirrings whatsoever in the groin (or any other) region and had to cut him loose. Pity, my first BF in 10 years and he was SOOO well-behaved. <deep sigh> At least I have more Sk/M to share...right? RIGHT???? 

Love all you guys, talk to you SOON....



Current Mood: creative
Saturday, May 5th, 2007
7:51 pm
Cinco de WHAT-O??
Hey, ya'll. I'm feeling very mellow this evening - just read Mik's update, and I am so broken-hearted that he's still in hospital. I just want him to be ALL WELL and have ALL my friends totally healthy and able and...and...MAN life sucks sometimes. 

I tried to get Jay to add me as a friend, but I haven't heard anything yet. I am such a HUGE fan of frogdoggie and co...have been for ten years now - how sad that I can't name one RL person that has had the impact on me that my online friends have. <sigh>

Also, along with feeling quite sorry for myself...I've met someone. A very nice man who INSISTS on getting the car door, and my chair, and whatever ELSE I might need. He tells me I'm beautiful. He knows all the South Park and Beavis & Butthead and Ren & Stimpy quotes that I love and, even more frighteningly, his birthday is on the SAME FUCKING DAY as mine. Alas, though we went to see Spidey 3 this morning, AND he took me to breakfast, AND he tells me how beautiful I am...I am...a...selfish BITCH. (Hence JvantheTERRIBLE, but I digress...)

I am so used to being alone that I have forgotten how to open myself up to attention of any kind, save for kudos from my writing partners and fans because that all feels RIGHT. I haven't had anyone in my life in the last 7 years that hasn't ripped my heart out and hurt me physically along the way, thereby giving me ammunition for Sk/M fanfic (masquerading as an outlet to give hot men emotions & feelings). This man is great...12 years in the Navy, going to school for Engineering, 6'1", blonde hair and blue eyes and just as sweet as you can want...but I feel NO ATTRACTION WHATSOEVER. I like brunettes...dark hair, dark eyes...not some courteous 32-year old that acts like a 4-year old at any given time...right? RIGHT????

What do I want? What do I expect? I don't know...maybe I've resolved myself to just age gracefully with my dog and my cat and just die from lung cancer or cirrhosis or some such thing...in fact I've dreamt of it, making it all so much easier than living, than trying to live up to someone else's expectations.

In fact, you want to hear something REALLY retarded? I am so enamored with Blake Shelton that I cannot imagine myself with anyone because I like him so much...and I can't even envision myself with HIM...so what the FUCK am I supposed to do NOW??? I am going to Las Vegas to see him in July, and I will be able to hug him - yet again, thanks to my work and Warner Brothers Records...and because of my ability to "hang" with celebrities, I have lost all semblance of respect for meeting someone who might actually give a shit about me. All I want to do is hug Blake and hope for some tiny feeling of redemption because that is all that I am really looking forward to today.

And even though my personal so-called love life is up in arms, I don't even give a shit about that...all I want is for Mik to be okay and be able to post the next chapters of BDAF. My grandmother is so right on...I AM a selfish bitch. I've been alone for so long now, and abused by so many people before that I no longer give a shit about anything more than taking a breath in the morning when I wake up...IF I wake up. 

Sometimes, when I feel like I do tonight...and have written all the shit that is backed up in my head so that I come off as a total LOSER...I don't believe that I deserve to wake up...especially when awesome people like Mik have REAL problems. 

Anyway, thanks for reading my rantings this evening...I love you guys, and my prayers are ALL for Mik this night. Big Hugs, Mik...I love & miss you, and thanks to ALL of you who are here. You are my TRUE friends, even if I don't know you.
 

Current Mood: crappy
Thursday, April 19th, 2007
5:24 pm
Happy Almost-Friday!
Hello, fellow LJ'ers! We've nearly survived yet another week in this twisted but cool, sad but wondrous, media-infested but ultimately-able-to-escape-to-our-own-little-happy-place that we call the world.  

It's been a very interesting week. I can't think of anything else to deem it, what with all the chaos that has ensnared us all over the course of the past several days. Let's review...

1.  32 beautiful people and one ugly mute fuckhead dead in school shooting, making it the worst mass murder in U.S. HISTORY. 

2.   I think that nearly 200 people died in Baghdad from Tuesday through today. That is, of course, NOT including however many of 
      our soldiers were used for target practice over the course of those days. 

3.   I had a birthday; yep, re-assessed my life at the not-so-tender age of 37 and have officially decided that I have no romantic 
      prospects, but  for whatever reason, Blake Shelton is looking pretty damn good right now (hey, he keeps telling my radio    
      peeps that he loves me...what the fuck would YOU do???!!!!! Yeah yeah, probably loves me because I buy his CD's...but I 
      digress again <deeper sigh than whenever my last one was>)

4.  George Bush is still a fucking moron that couldn't give a coherent, heartfelt speech if his life depended on it...and boy, would I 
      love to watch THAT reality show (since I don't watch any of the other ones); "George dub-ya will now wow us ALL with an error-
      free speech - that he himself wrote, mind you - without making some stupid fucking face or managing to look like the biggest 
      fucking RETARD on the planet...or else he'll be fed to a pit of crocodiles while we all watch! You're on, dub-ya..." 

5.   Despite all of the above, I am still glad I live in a country where I can call the president a fucking retard without being put in front 
      of a firing squad or getting caned to within an inch of my life; I'm pretty sure that would suck. 

6.   I have found nearly all of the people that used to write to me and tell me they liked MY writing, and I am now speaking to them 
      right here on LJ. Also, LJ does not have an "adult" filter, so I can access it from work and get my HAPPY PLACE on whenever I 
      want...SCORE!

7.   You're reading this right now and HOPEFULLY will still speak to me either tonight or tomorrow. YIPPPEEEE!!!

8.   With any luck, I'll find Jay (from 3Wstop) and be able to add him as a friend so I can read HIS posts. <HINT HINT>

9.   Someday, Goddess Michele will post a new part to a Sk/M story. (Please see below...about reason to live, etc...)

10. Hopefully, Jay will be feeling better in the next few days (poor baby!) and will post Mick's latest chapter(s). I don't know about all 
       of YOU, but for ME that is truly reason enough to go on living...okay, perhaps that's a bit over the top, but I digress again.

Well, there you have it. NO CLUE if this makes any sense, or even if I'm CAPABLE of making sense at this point. It's been a rough week, all told. 

Yja, you saved me with your artwork. 

Mick, even the slightest few paragraphs of your genius are enough to get me through just about anything. 

Michele, hope all your "shows" run smoothly - still wish I could be there to attend...AND maybe even help out!

Tesa, hope you find your Sideshow figures...www.sideshowtoys.com should take you to a place where you can at least look at them...they're wonderfully done works of art in their own rights, and like I said...the Skinner doll RULES!!!

I'd still love to add Jay as my friend, but I haven't spoken to him in so long...he probably doesn't even remember me :0( 

Thank you ALL for your birthday wishes, and your constant support. I still can't tell you how awesome this is, to be a part of this group. Oh wait...I just DID!!

LOVE YOU GUYS!




Jvantheterrible


Current Mood: good
Tuesday, April 17th, 2007
6:33 pm
Anything you want to know about ME?
Is there anything that anyone wants to know about me? I was just wondering. I mean, obviously I've now posted my pic here (sort of, though I'm not ordinarily QUITE that jovial) so you know what I look like, and I have my interests on here, and I am delighted that you all have added me as your friend...but is there any burning question about Jvantheterrible that you just HAVE to have the answer to? (Come on, none of you REALLY care - this is a dumb question, right???) I'll answer anything and everything, truly and honestly - with one tiny little catch...I get to ask you one back. Just one, though...you can ask me as many as you like because I'm "new" to LJ and I'll answer them all. I promise, just as long as I get to ask ONE back.

Thanks for my birthday wishes AND the artwork! Still slaving away on "Home On The Range" - the boys are getting a dog...unless I decide to start all over again with this chapter - it's been happening for 3 months, you just never know. 

All of you be well...I can't stand to watch the news anymore and I really don't want to bring up all that ugliness, so I'll just leave this entry here and now - and hope to hear back from all of you soon.


BIG HUGS, EVERYBODY!

Current Mood: thoughtful
2:52 pm
Yja RULES!
Good afternoon, boys and boys - I mean girls!! Sorry, I've had a very busy RL these last several days and my bday is today. Got Yja's artwork - great googly-moogly that is IMPRESSIVE!! If it's okay with you, can I post that on the Skinner Sanctum? 

Mick,  hell YES I'm still here...and still chomping at the bit for more, More, MORE!!! 

Michele, I've been re-reading all your work (and yours too, Tesa!) and I am JUST NOW cheering up today. Woke up blue...what's better for that than LJ and my TRUE soulmates here online??!!! NOTHING (except Blake Shelton calling and that is just SOOO not happening...)

I will be on later this evening because I have things I want to say but I am at work right now and thank you all so much for being...here.

Love you guys.


Jvan
Sunday, April 1st, 2007
7:11 pm
No Foolin' on April Fool's...
Miknutia, etc...
</a></font></b></a>jvantheterrible
2007-03-28 04:27 am UTC (link) DeleteTrack This
Mick:

I just wanted to tell you that your writing means the world to me. For YEARS...literally, as long as I've been writing, I've been reading along with your characterizations of Sk/M, and you've kept me afloat through SO many hard times in my life.

I knew you had been ill...and I know that you are still fighting the big "C", and I want you to know that I am O+ and if there is ANY part of me that could possibly help you, I would willingly and freely give it to you, just as you've given of yourself, and your conscience, and your soul - through your stories.

I am not trying to come off sounding anything other than completely sincere, as you have given me SO much more these last several years.

I've been near death myself a couple of times over the past decade - no thanks to depression coupled with the takers of the universe that find the givers in all of us and drain us dry - and sometimes, it's only the merest grin I could glean from Choices Cost, or Little Things, or...whatever...that I could go back to and read that gave me what I needed to even WANT to open my eyes up one more day. More importantly, it's the cleansing sobbing that said stories (along with Big Deals, of course) allow me in my moments of weakness - or maybe those are MY moments of strength, afforded me by you.

That is the power that you give to ALL of us...or perhaps it's just me, feeling a little more than melancholy after reading your latest post...through your brain, your imagination, your innate POWER that you alone wield with your mighty keystrokes. For all of that, I am forever grateful, and will always be.

Once again, thank you for directing me here to LJ, where I might be able to share a little of my own soul (whether anyone wants to read it or not) with you, and the peers that I now, moreso than ever, deem above most humans that I know on a daily basis.

There are no panicked parents, no STUPID FUCKING BLONDES, no ego-centric boys in power (only due to their so-called "titles", mind you), no one that really wants to hurt or drag you down in any way, shape or form.

This is a TRUE community of people that share MY interests, and MY intelligence level, and I am BLESSED to have found this tiny corner of the universe that allows me to express myself AS I AM. NO HOLDS BARRED. I CAN SAY WHAT I WANT...AND WHAT I WANT TO SAY RIGHT NOW IS MICK, YOU HAVE SAVED MY LIFE SEVERAL TIMES THESE LAST SEVERAL YEARS.I WILL DO WHATEVER I CAN TO PAY YOU BACK...THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all that you do.

Okay, I'm done. Think I'll go make some toast now (Yay Susan...)


Love you Mick...SO not kidding,


Jvantheterrible
Tuesday, March 27th, 2007
9:39 pm
Miknutia, etc...
Miknutia, etc...
</a></font></b></a>jvantheterrible
2007-03-28 04:27 am UTC (link) DeleteTrack This
Mick:

I just wanted to tell you that your writing means the world to me. For YEARS...literally, as long as I've been writing, I've been reading along with your characterizations of Sk/M, and you've kept me afloat through SO many hard times in my life.

I knew you had been ill...and I know that you are still fighting the big "C", and I want you to know that I am O+ and if there is ANY part of me that could possibly help you, I would willingly and freely give it to you, just as you've given of yourself, and your conscience, and your soul - through your stories.

I am not trying to come off sounding anything other than completely sincere, as you have given me SO much more these last several years.

I've been near death myself a couple of times over the past decade - no thanks to depression coupled with the takers of the universe that find the givers in all of us and drain us dry - and sometimes, it's only the merest grin I could glean from Choices Cost, or Little Things, or...whatever...that I could go back to and read that gave me what I needed to even WANT to open my eyes up one more day. More importantly, it's the cleansing sobbing that said stories (along with Big Deals, of course) allow me in my moments of weakness - or maybe those are MY moments of strength, afforded me by you.

That is the power that you give to ALL of us...or perhaps it's just me, feeling a little more than melancholy after reading your latest post...through your brain, your imagination, your innate POWER that you alone wield with your mighty keystrokes. For all of that, I am forever grateful, and will always be.

Once again, thank you for directing me here to LJ, where I might be able to share a little of my own soul (whether anyone wants to read it or not) with you, and the peers that I now, moreso than ever, deem above most humans that I know on a daily basis.

There are no panicked parents, no STUPID FUCKING BLONDES, no ego-centric boys in power (only due to their so-called "titles", mind you), no one that really wants to hurt or drag you down in any way, shape or form.

This is a TRUE community of people that share MY interests, and MY intelligence level, and I am BLESSED to have found this tiny corner of the universe that allows me to express myself AS I AM. NO HOLDS BARRED. I CAN SAY WHAT I WANT...AND WHAT I WANT TO SAY RIGHT NOW IS MICK, YOU HAVE SAVED MY LIFE SEVERAL TIMES THESE LAST SEVERAL YEARS.I WILL DO WHATEVER I CAN TO PAY YOU BACK...THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all that you do.

Okay, I'm done. Think I'll go make some toast now (Yay Susan...)


Love you Mick...SO not kidding,


Jvantheterrible


Current Mood: exhausted
Monday, March 26th, 2007
8:50 pm
RL SUX...
So I met this guy the other day, during the March Madness games. It's an upscale bar, and my fam and I were cheering Ohio State on - go Bux - and so this dude is sitting alone at the table next to ours. I am fairly (okay, perhaps scarily) outgoing (I work in MEDIA, i.e. RADIO, HELLOOO???!!!!), so we start chatting. FOR THREE HOURS he makes faces at me, cheers me on, tries to block my way as I head for the bathroom, etc...is this NOT flirting? HELLO??? Christ, 3 hours makes the last four years of non-dating feel like SECONDS!!! ANYWAY...it goes on and on, and so I give him my card before we leave. (BTW...Ohio State won..GO BUX AGAIN!!!)

Yesterday morning (Sun, 3/25/07) he calls. Says he's really sorry for being such a flirt, but he has issues...number one being that he thought my COUSIN was cute!!! HELLO??? FUCK YOU, anyone???? So I deal with that, and tell him, "whatever, dude...yeah, she's available but she just broke up w/her fiancee, so sorry, but..."

So he says, "Well, I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"Okay, so yeah, you ARE sorry, and..."

"Oh, and I live with my ex-girlfriend and I'm locked in to the lease for the next year, but I'm pretty much doing whatever I want right now..." (RIIIIIIIIIIIGHT>>>>>>)

"Okay, well, thanks for calling and have a nice day!" (Me, being the epitome of fucking sunshine that I am) He says yeah, and we go our separate ways.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Fast Forward to 7:52 AM THIS MORNING (3/26/07, MONDAY) and my work phone rings. I glance down. I think, "Oh no, he wouldn't fucking dare..."

He fucking dared. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry."

"Okay, you told me that yesterday when you phoned. Right after you told me my cousin was hot." (I could NOT make this shit up, I swear to you, I have a fucking BESTSELLER RIGHT HERE..."

"yeah, but I really do feel badly."

"Okay, look. I am GLAD you feel badly. You SHOULD feel badly. You called ME up -after flirting with me for roughly THREE HOURS the day before to tell me that you thought my cousin was cute? You made ME feel badly when you called and admitted that crap. So, good, I'm glad you feel badly."

<LONG PAUSE>

"Okay, but I've never been hit on by a woman before, and I just didn't know what to do..."

"Look...here it is, okay? You SHOULD feel badly. And if you go out, even if it's not so frequently, you should NOT be making eyes and/or hand gestures and/or googly eyes and/or any OTHER gestures at girls. PERIOD. And, if you weren't in the situation that you're currently IN, you would be a really lucky guy, okay? BUT, you're not, and so you have your life, and I have mine, and I am REALLY sorry that I bothered you with my number. So you have a nice day, okay?"

<LONGER PAUSE>

"Okay, you too...CLICK". 

So there are MY last 3 days. 

Thoughts? Comments? Like to build the crossbar that I might hang him from???? LMAO.

Current Mood: infuriated
7:09 pm
My newest fic...A Home On The Range
Okay, so here's the deal. I've been writing fanfic for....umm...awhile now. I am trying to write what I am HOPING is going to be the last chapter of my most current story, "A Home On The Range". This is, of course, assuming that Skinner has retired to the Sonoran Desert (hey, that's where I live now...hmmmmmm) where Fox comes to try and hook up with his ex-boss - i.e. the unrequited love of his life - and so on and so forth. Now, this is not by any MEANS the best thing I've ever written. IMHO, my "A Taste of Life" series (nominated for Wirerims some years ago, actually - wink wink nudge nudge) is my best. But I am SOOO trying to get back into the swing of things Fanfic-wise. If anyone has a spare 1/2 hour, I would SO appreciate an honest reply or two about what I'm writing, and how I'm doing, and if anything I'm putting down on virtual paper has ANY merit whatsoever. I love writing, but I constantly question myself...am I good enough? Are my stories well-written, or just crap? 

I've always wanted to be in the same league as Mick and the Goddess - I know there is NO WAY IN HELL I'll ever be able to compete w/Xanthe and her novels - but I really want to know if I have ANY talent whatsoever, or should I just quit writing? I want to know from the people that MATTER - i.e. YA'LL - and I am so going to be pulling an 'old yeller' scenario with my final chapter of HOTR and should I even bother??? I LOVE Mick's & Michele's writing - even if the latest installment of BDAF was wayyyyy too short and PISSED ME OFF IMMENSELY (Come on, I want CLOSURE!!!!), I ACHE to read more from my favorite authors. 

If anyone wants to read what I've done so far, honest opinions and Friend add-ons (or deletions, should the case be) will be welcomed. I know Mick writes a LOT and doesn't read much fic, but I would SWOON AND DROOL FOR REAL if I could get some sort of opinion. 

I like to think of myself of SOMEWHAT of an avid writer/reader of Fanfic, though it's been so hard since XF went off-air...I still love the characters and will do whatever I can to keep them going in SOME fashion. 

Thanks for letting me be a part of your virtual Living Room (Love you Michele, and thanks for the 'Hey', Mick!), and I look forward to your criticisms...constructive or otherwise. 


Love you guys, 

jvantheterrible
www.angelfire.com/oh3/SkinnerSanctum

P.S. Trust01, hope you make the best toast EVER! Sprinkle on some cinnamon for me...you ROCK!

         Michele, thank you for adding me as a friend...I've been re-reading ALL of your fic lately...LOVE YOU!

         Mick: I'm a greedy Aries, okay? I've read and re-read and re-read AGAIN everything you've written (Sk/M, but still) and I will NEVER EVER EVER get enough of your writing. You could copy Rowling for YEARS and I would NEVER find enough time to read and re-read and re-read all of your fic. I adore you...and your "little dog, too"!!!!!  (And yes, I'm stealing your sign-off because it's brilliant to respond to all your "peeps" before you head off!



Current Mood: anxious
Friday, March 23rd, 2007
9:34 pm
Mick, Goddess, Trust01, etc...

Thank you for welcoming me to this new (to me, anyway) online community. I suppose this is a good place for me to advertise my distaste with Reality Television, The Dumb Whores With Money Show (Brittany, the late-but-still-fucking-talked-about-Anna Nicole), and a place for me to HOPEFULLY get advice on my fanfic (HINT HINT HINT!!!). You guys ROCK! Let's hear it for Internet WITH BRAIN...WHOO HOO!!!

8:59 pm
The Goddess' Questionnaire Extraordinaire
Okay, your HEINOUSS...

1. Can you cook? Absolutely...I make Tuna Helper roll over and beg for mercy...LOL
2. What was your dream growing up? I wanted to escape from my home life and ignore my mother for the rest of my life...1 out of 2 ain't bad, right???
3. What talent do you wish you had? I have lots of talents...more than I ever dreamt I might...is that bad?
4. Favorite place? Tucson, AZ - HOME!!!
5. Favorite vegetable?  Broccoli RULES!
6. What was the last book you read?  Jungle...true story of some Iranian Jew getting lost in the Amazon.
7. What zodiac sign are you? Aries - sign of the BITCH (at least that's what I call it)
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? 3 tattoos, grown over eyebrow piercing, 1 on each ear...BORING!!!
9. Worst Habit? Smoking, drinking, sex, XF fanfic...the list goes on and on and on and on...
10. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal? Only by email...
11. What is your favorite sport? Baseball, but the March Madness is growing on me..Unless Sk/M bedroom activities count as sports, in which case we're ALL in big trouble...
12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude? Optimistic. Painfully so, in fact.
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? Probably give you a BIG hug and start crying, and then hug you again and wonder if you had anything to eat.
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you? Let's see...car accident, rape, abortion, PMS, the list goes on...
15. Tell me one weird fact about you. I love your writing EVER SO MUCH more than my own...is that bad?
16. Do you have any pets? My dog Jake and my cat Ramses.
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena? Sadly, yes.
18. What time is it where you are now? Beer:oh:five
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? HATE CLOWNS...BAD BAD BAD CLOWNS.
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? Probably lose 20 pounds...but keep my knockers!!!!
21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience? BOTH!
22. What color eyes do you have? Hazel...just like Mulder's.
23. Ever been arrested? NO fucking way.
24. Bottle or Draft? ALWAYS the bottle..drafts purely induce the runs. Bastards...
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? Pay off my bills and buy a newer truck!
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? Extra because it lasts almost as long as Skinner...
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at? The 3-Way Stop or Home of the Goddess...I believe you're familiar with them....
28. Do you believe in ghosts? Absolutely.
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Write, read, drink, smoke.
30. Do you swear a lot? FUCK yes.
31. Biggest pet peeve? Questionnaires..LMAO...NOT. Um, DUMB people.
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself? Festive.
33. In one word, how would you describe me? supercalafragilisticexpealidocious.
34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? You KNOW it baby! LOVE YOU, GODDESS MICHELE!!!!



Current Mood: surprised
Wednesday, March 21st, 2007
6:50 pm

 

 

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